Trying to Spend Time Together as a Couple While Working Opposite Schedules

In today's economy, any regular income is definitely appreciated. I am very grateful that my husband and I are both able to work full time at our respective jobs to provide for our family. However, we have been feeling some pressure recently stemming from our opposite work schedules. My teaching job runs from about 8:30 to 4:00 each day; Andy works at a restaurant from 4:00 to 10:30, give or take a few hours depending on that day's business. Needless to say, there are some days I don't see my husband. At all. And while some couples might be relieved to spend some time away from each other, I personally don't feel like my day is complete without interacting with the wonderful man I married almost five years ago. I'll be the first to admit: we have not perfected the art of making time for each other. However, we have found a few ways to make the best of our situation. And in response to our lack of face time, here are some of the tricks we have been experimenting with to catch up with each other.

Set it all up...for success! (And fewer arguments....)

At the beginning of each week, Andy and I go over our schedules and find times to work each other in. Mine is usually pretty consistent, but his might vary depending on when he is needed at the restaurant. So we talk about the times we can be available for each other, and try to schedule some time together, using the ideas to follow. At first, we didn't think to schedule time for each other, and, a few arguments later, we realized we had different expectations for the time we were spending together (or lack thereof). So now I know that Tuesday is his night with his guys; he knows that Wednesday I have to work on my graduate classes, etc. With these in place, we can look forward to the times we have made for each other and understand the times we just have to wait a little longer.

Winning workouts

Andy and I have love working out together. Our favorite is when we play tennis, but the snowy winter prevented our regular tennis court meetings. Instead, now we head to the gym and work out together there. Not only does our physical activity encourage us both to be healthy and - let's be honest - look good for our spouse, but we enjoy challenging each other. I have been running long distances in training for a marathon, while Andy has been running quicker than ever. We each motivate each other to improve our running skills and bond because of the quality time we spend together.

Don't get me wrong: our schedules certainly don't allow for us to work out at the same time every day. Instead, when we can go for a run together, we do. When we can go to the gym together, we do. But when we can't, we are sure to maintain our own workout regimen and report back to each other on any improvements, struggles, or milestones completed. That way, we are included in each others' lives even when we're not physically together. The results have been a healthier lifestyle...and a healthier marriage.

Date night

The one night each week my husband consistently does not have to work is Friday. So I know that we have that night to spend together for our date night. If we both have had a long week, we rent a movie, make some popcorn, and enjoy our time together on our couch. If we feel like spending a night out on the town, we might get all dolled up and head out to dinner or a concert. If we're in a social mood, we might call up some friends and play Friday Night Trivia at Applebee's. If we're feeling playful, we might put on our ball caps and cheer on the Pittsburgh Pirates at a baseball game. When we put this time aside regularly, it's something to look forward to during the long week when we may only see each other for a few minutes each day.

Lunch at work

Andy had the greatest idea a few months ago: he can join me at my work during lunch! We haven't been able to do this much yet, but for those weeks we really just won't otherwise see each other, he will come in to my school on my lunch break and eat with me. Sometimes we enjoy Subway or sometimes we just pack a lunch; either way, the dining experience is much more enjoyable when you spend it with the one you love.

Likewise, since he works at a restaurant, I often go in when he they are having a slow day or at the end of his shift. I can enjoy a delicious meal not necessarily with my husband, but at least with my husband visiting as often as he can. Not ideal, I know, but it sure beats not seeing him for several days straight.

Common goal

Andy and I are very different in many ways. In a lot of ways, it's the differences that make us work. In a lot of other ways, it's the differences that we struggle with in our relationships. However, when we find a common goal to work toward, it unites us. For instance, this summer we are planning a 5-year anniversary trip to Jamaica. We have been talking about this trip since we got married, and we booked it this past winter. So with our trip approaching in the somewhat near future, we have been creatively saving up to pay it off. It also gives us something to look forward to together. When the stresses of conflicting schedules start to mess with us, it helps to think about our common goal. For instance, if I'm super annoyed that I have to give up my Saturday night with Andy because he has to work, he reminds me that this shift might be the one to pay off our trip. So it softens the blow, even if only a little.

Write a note. Text. Email. Call.

When my only interaction with my husband on any given day is noticing that he loaded the dishwasher or made the bed, it makes for a long week. A looooong week. Lucky for me, my husband is very thoughtful. He sends me an email at work pretty much every day, just to check in or say hi. He leaves me notes when I arrive at home. He sends me quick texts when he wants to tell me something short and sweet. He calls and leaves voicemails before he starts his shift at work. I try to do the same and interact one way or the other just so it doesn't seem like we are living in separate worlds. Minor as these things seem, it involves us in each others' day as often as possible. And Andy knows I like to be as informed as possible. Even in a world where we are not often together, our lines of communication are open. Marriage saver.

Day off

Now, there are times having opposite work schedules gets hard. Really hard. In fact, I think this work arrangement has been as big a test as any we've had in our marriage. So one last trick we keep in our back pocket is to take a day off from work. This usually works best when Andy knows in advance so he can request off from his job and spend the entire day together. Better yet, we coordinate my long weekends with the days he requests off to get away for a whole weekend. The quality face time we get is irreplaceable, and none of the other tricks really give us as much time to spend together. After these lengthy visits, VOILA! Our relationship is rejuvenated and we reemerge as a happy, content couple with a renewed appreciation for each other.

I think it's true that any healthy marriage needs to set aside time for each other, especially when conflicting schedules make it a challenge. I'm curious: what are ways you find time for your significant other in spite of your busy schedules?